Big Mistake

In life we all have this one moment we wish we could take back, our one big mistake. It can be in the form or a significant other, a comment, or a decision we made, but no matter what form it comes in it is always a wtf moment. Our mistakes tell a lot about who we are and the person we want to be. It determines who we are at that were moment and by defining it as a mistake, it shows us the growth we want to have in ourselves. The truth is our mistakes show the world more about ourselves than we would actually divulge. We should, in theory, grow from our mishaps however, in reality we tend to commit the same actions when the opportunity arises. But how do we break this cycle? Is it enough to just repent or is there some other form of action or lake there of that we need to take?

They say that the second ten days of Ramadan are about forgiveness, but what happens when we cannot comprehend that our actions need forgiveness. What if we are determined to believe that our actions are in our best interest and push aside the thought that it could cause us more harm than good? They say that nothing can last if it is not blessed by God and God will not bless thing that is not done properly, however if this is true then why are so many lined up for failure?

It is in our nature to rationalize our bad deeds only to comprehend there full gravity once we are removed from the situation. With this said why do we tend to commit the same wrong actions time and time again knowing fully well the extent to our sins? So many of us close our minds to the truth about our actions, justifying them to ourselves, making them “halal” so that we can feel less guilty. The truth is that that voice in our head and that sickness in our stomach is not butterflies in our stomach and our parents thoughts, it is God’s way of telling us it is not in our best interest to precede on this path. If this is not enough, God also tells us that if we see a wrong doing then correct it with either your hand, tongue, or the weakest of all in your heart. If his is true then why are so many of us afraid to speak up when we see our loved ones treading on dangerous waters?  We sit and watch as they drown in their own recklessness not understanding that if they fall so should we.

I am not trying to pretend that I am some saint standing on my soap box preaching to everyone.  However, if we do not start throwing each other a lifevest who will?  Too many of us turn a blind eye or promote wrong doing for the sake of a friendship, myself included. But how deep can our friendships be if we are not willing to help one another? How close are we actually to each other if we are constantly looking away instead of facing the person head on? What it really boils down to is faith of friendship?

Girls Like Boys and Boys like Attention

Silly. There is no other way to describe the girls  and boys at my masjid other than silly. In the most holy of all months in the Muslim world, Ramadan, should be treated with some respect, but not in our Masjid. In this most sacred month the Masjid becomes a breeding ground for intermingling and hooking up. In this month there is more making up and breaking up than there is fasting or praying. Everyone seems to turn a blind eye to it, pretending not to notice the boys and girls sneaking off to dunkin donuts to have “private time”. However, this year I’m not going to look the other way…this year I’m calling everyone out on their bull $#!+.

After the athan is called and prayers are made, droves of people make their way to get food after along day of fasting. To complete their day of worship, the youth go to the front of the masjid to hook and mingle with the opposite sex. They then continue their night not by supplicating to God by performing the tarweeh prayer, but by hanging out outside the masjid talking, texting or calling one another. It is said in Islam that when you have two people of the opposite sex in a room, the third person there is Shatan. But in Ramadan isn’t Shatan locked up? With this said why do so many of us flock to the front to in hopes of committing a sin?

The answer is attention. From what I have observed the guys at our masjid go to the front because they like the attention they receive when they go there. With the hand shakes, hi fives and hugs they get why wouldn’t they. Both parties are equally to blame in this scenario, they guys go there to receive praise and admiration and the girls go in attempts of hooking up. You see the guys are attracted to the devotion girls fixated on them and after a while the girls become more than attracted to them. It became very clear to me that this pattern would not die down easily. Boys fall for attention and girls just fall into obsession.

But just because we can determine the cause of this flirtation does that excuse there action? In this blessed month are we supposed to turn a blind eye to this behavior because it has become the norm or should we create a change that might devastate the youth?

Pretending

All great stories start with an incredible beginning…but this is not a story and it will never lament to anything. So lets start form the best part…the middle.

DREADFUL. Absolutely dreadful. There is no other way to describe the physical and mental torture I had to endure weekly. I was exhausted from pretending to fit in. Trying to forget about the terrible events that had unfolded today, I kept reminding myself that it could not get any worse. However, with Ramadan coming up I would be forced to make small talk with the very people who had condemned me to this prison. It will not be that bad, I reminded myself. Although it was my favorite month of the year it would be very difficult to endure without going completely mental.

I’m too old for this, I thought. This year it will be different. I won’t let them bother me. But how could I not? Just there sheer presence at this point aggravated me. They we’re obsessed with their little niche they had created for themselves, and soon became blinded by it. I should feel sorry for them. But I could not bring myself to feel sorry for people who thought their whole world existed in the small bubble we call, a masjid. It was as if they lived for it, to be someone there meant something to them. It was actually very funny when you thought about it. They really thought they were cool however, in actuality, they were just little girls doing stupid things so people could look at them.  They pretended to be dumb to make people laugh, pretended to be good to make their parents happy, and pretended to be nice so that people would not hate them, and I pretended to care…Until now.

Trust no one, that was my new motto. I had been burned one too many times by the same people, but not this time. At first I thought that I only had one enemy, but soon the numbers began to grow exponentially. It turns out that the people I thought I could trust were just pretending, so I pretended not to notice. It too easy to hate people and call them out for the actions they committed against me, no this time I would leave it to God. They have their side of the story and this is mines.